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I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted, and I can’t quite figure out why.

Yes, I know, I’m growing a person.  I get that.  And yes, I know that I have five kids at home with me all day long.

But this tired is not just from that.

It can’t be.

I’m tired like I haven’t slept in days and I’m just trying to stumble through the day without hurting myself (like by walking into a wall or tripping over the invisible bump in the floor).

I’m tired like I haven’t had coffee in a week after quitting a five cup a day habit.

I’m tired like this is the first time I’ve ever been pregnant, and honestly, that is the kind of tired that makes sense to me.

My OB, when I told him how tired I was, told me I was getting old.  Let’s get something straight: I’m 32.  I have no qualms about getting “old”; I just don’t think I’m there yet.  I told him he was getting old, and would always be older than me, so there, and we laughed, and moved on.  Honestly, I don’t think this has as much to do with age as it has to do with the space between pregnancies.

I haven’t been this pregnant in over two years.  My body, my brain, all of me, just isn’t used to it anymore.  When you have five kids in just about five years, there’s not that much space between one pregnancy ending and the next one beginning, and in that short time, you’re usually nursing (at least, I was), so you have two choices: get used to being tired or die trying.  I got used to it.

Then, a break happened.  It wasn’t of my choosing, and it wasn’t a “vacation”, but it happened, and it’s not something I had any control over.  I finally got pregnant again, and we all know what happened, so I haven’t been this pregnant in what feels like forever.  There are some things I had forgotten:

  1. I’m huge.  My belly takes up so much space I have to lean back in any chair I sit in to be even nominally comfortable.
  2. My joints hurt.  I got off the couch this afternoon to make dinner, and my hips hurt so bad I almost fell over.  This leads to another issue I have with my pregnancies, namely that the baby isn’t coming out that way so why on earth does my body have to “get ready” for it?  Seriously?  But I digress.
  3. I can’t breath.  Honestly.  I can’t walk across my apartment, all 30 feet of it, without being short of breath.  It’s maddening.
  4. I can’t sleep.  Well, I can, but not for a long time, and I can’t fall asleep right away either.  I can’t imagine getting back into the whole middle of the night feeding swing again.  That’ll be fun, right?
  5. I have to pee…a lot.  You probably don’t know this about me, but I have like the bladder of steel.  TMI?  Don’t care (it’s another symptom of pregnancy I’m finding harder to control this time).  It’s true.  I drink about three ounces of water and I have to go to the potty.  This is so not me, even when I’m pregnant…until now apparently.  Again, maddening.

Most of these things only bothered me, somewhat, during my very first pregnancy, and not at all in the others.  You can get used to almost anything, and I was certainly used to being pregnant.  Now though, after that little unintentional break, I’m not.  And I’m feeling it.

Getting old?  Pshaw, Dave, pshaw.

This little one here? She’s totally worth all of this.


Don’t forget to pop on over to Truth and Charity and check out my current post, “Living Our Faith in Times of Death“.  Thanks!