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My kids are awesome.

I know that seems like something all moms say, but it’s true.  They’re funny, interesting, sometimes obedient, frequently silly, and more often than not loud, but almost always awesome.  It would be amazing to be any one of them for an hour, let alone a whole day, just to see what the world looks like  through their eyes.  I wonder what it must be like to be that awesome, or why on earth they feel the need to run, screaming like banshees, through my living room at odd times.

While I’d love to be anyone of them, the one who’s outlook most intrigues me at present is the one I haven’t met yet.  You see, this little one has me worried, and it’s nothing that can be pinned down or fixed.  Don’t get me wrong.  As far as we know he or she is just fine, kicking around, chillin’ inside me, growing big and strong.  However, since I can’t see this little person but once a month (if I’m lucky) at an ultrasound, I have no proof other than the flutters I feel from time to time.  As far as I know, as of July 6, I have visual confirmation of a happy little baby, alive and well, and as of the 9th, there was a strong heartbeat.  But for every other day of the month, I know nothing, and it’s the not knowing that worries me.

I never had these feelings before this pregnancy.  I know what must be causing them.  I know in my mind that what happened with Gianna last year is most likely not going to happen this time around.  There’s nothing to even suggest that there is any danger to this baby, but I just can’t shake them.

So, if I could just be this baby, this precious little one, for a day, I’d know.  I know in my head and my heart.  I’d know that this time, everything will be fine.  And I’d know that, in a few months (about five) I’ll be holding a healthy baby in my arms and posting pictures to the point of being obnoxious of new smiles and all the happy siblings and not doing anything remotely near what I was doing a year ago at that time.

In response to prompt number 3 in this weeks edition of Mama Kat’s Pretty Much World Famous Writer’s Workshop.

Mama’s Losin’ It

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